How Did I End Up Here?

Derek never liked his Dad and that's to put it mildly. If we were not trying to be modest, we would even say that he detested his Dad and wait.... before you judge him, he had his reasons. He would list them for you if you asked to know:

1. His Dad was always right

2. He never cared to know who they were, as his growing children

3. He hardly ever treated their Mum right

4. He talked them (his children) down most of the time.

These are just a few among the many reasons Derek would recount for you. 

The problem is: Derek's son, Rick, feels the same way about Derek as Derek felt about his own Dad. If you ask Rick his reasons for feeling this way, his list would be very similar to the one Derek gave about his Dad.

So now, Derek has become to his own son what his Dad was to him: azin pe what he never wanted to be is what he currently looks like.

Of course, you know by now that Derek and Rick are not really my concern. The real people I wanted to talk about is YOU and Me. 

Derek and Rick's case is an extreme, because most of us may not outrightly hate our parents or guardians, still we simply can't continue to complain about what we don't like that they do.

Someone is still saying, "Well, I really don't like my Dad, he shouts too much, he's always angry, we have to walk on egg-shells around him" OR

"My Mum is such a nag, she never lets things go, I wonder if she has the ability to forgive sef..." OR

"My guardians are sadists, they can never be happy for me. They always find fault in whatever I do and they're so stingy...."

Well, that's enough huh, I think by now we understand how much you don't like these people. But they're who you think they are already, and if you don't pray for them, that's probably who they'd continue to be. My concern is: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO BECOME NONE OF THESE THINGS YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT?

Because, not liking them does not make you immune to them. Not liking those things is not enough!

What people don't realize is that; most times we're a product of nurture, that is, who we turn out to be most times is, who we have knowingly or unknowingly learnt to be. That is how CYCLES are born. 

Whether you like it or not, you are your parents child, you've lived with them for years and there's no way that what you've watched them do, even their language has not rubbed on you.

Maybe if you watch yourself enough and listen to people's genuine comments about you. You will realize that you have inherited behaviors, language and mannerisms from your parents, out of which unfortunately, lies traces of characters that you don't like too.

Have you noticed that you shout a bit too loud too? That people complain that you get angry too easily? I can't list everything, but at least you can do yourself a favor and be candid with yourself.

Are you not your Father's son/Mother's daughter, in more ways than you'd like to admit?

You don't like how your mother curses sometimes, but are you taking care to make sure that your own language is free of curses? You remember how your Dad called you some kind of names in his anger, remember how you felt pained that it came out of your own father's mouth? Haven't you used those words too on someone in your anger?

Now is the time to take deliberate steps to change things, so that the cycle can be broken, starting from you. Because, it's a pattern that people don't take note of, but it's real. 

So that in the future, you won't see in your child, a version of You, that is a version of your parents, that may be a version of their own parents, that you never liked.

Let God work on you NOW, seasoning your words, sharpening your character, ridding you of anger. Now, is the time for these deliberate changes, so that you won't look at your life in the future and see it's a mirror of what you hated. 

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God loves us.